Temper Tantrums.......Then God

I have been through so much recently and honestly did not know at times if I would survive it.  Not in a suicidal way but in a way, but because of the pain and trauma could I get past it, recover, and move forward healthy kind of way.  

I have been in a place of solitude/hibernation only reaching out when I was forced or knew I was supposed to.  I have been in a place of looking at my own depravity and being sickened with it and the things that happened to send me into this low low state.  I have questioned everything, literally everything.  I allowed my mind to make up stories and think the worst about things many times.  It was confusing and heavy and I began to spill over these things on to the people I loved most.  My mind was critical, hardened, closed and questioning.

Then God.......

I have received more healing in the last 2 months than I thought even possible.  

It began by going to things I knew would be good for me even though I didn't want to go. 

It began by asking God questions about me and my situation and allowing him to speak truth instead of my made up imaginations.  

It began by friendships who invited and spoke truth to me over and over again.  Sometimes I heard them and others I ignored them.  Some people walked away and some retreated and grew hard. A few stayed and either understood because of similar situations in their past or because they love well kept pursuing me.  

It takes going into a valley to understand people in a valley.  I knew I was in a valley and I honestly did not want to get out of it…… until I learned all the lessons God was teaching me.

I wanted to be able to rise up with confidence to face the day.

Did I stay too long or was I so bad off that I was not someone who could hear truth? 

To you be the judge. But I don't think so.  I heard so many things from so many people. I needed to hear from my God.

Opinions and criticism.  

The looks.... the turned heads. 

The gossip and the clueless.

I know I heard from the Holy Spirit in the deepest cries have a new level of closeness.  

Then God........

As I began to stand again there were precious people in my path who literally held me up and prayed over me.  As I reached a place to lay down the deepest hurts a man prayed with me to silence the accuser and this was the shift I needed in my spirit.  My eyes opened again. I began to again tell the enemy to shut up.  It changed everything.

I had followed the steps I had been taught about forgiveness and healing but it was like a step was missing.  I needed understanding and kept hitting a wall that plummeted me back down.  Some told me there are things for God to know and I didn't need to know, but I did.  To move forward I needed some answers and clarity to uncloud my confusion, anger, and numbness.

Then God.......

After having what I can only explain as a temper tantrum He showed up sent me the answer I needed.  He continues to explain things to me.  I understand and have more compassion and hope than I have in a long long time.  It is incredible the visions and pictures He is showing me.  The new ability I have to pray for people and see them the way He sees them.  I am encouraged today because of the hope He has shown me.  

I thought for a long time I was be satisfied only after justice was served, but today I am praying not for justice, but for repentance.  Justice will be the result of no repentance.  But repentance would be so much sweeter.  I repent for every idol word I have spoken, evil thought I had, and encourage everyone reading these words to repent as well.  

We need to be in reverence and fear of God to a point that we should have deep conviction for separation and a longing desire for connection.  I am praying that as I move forward and as you move forward that all lies be exposed.  That truth is spoken and that the accuser is silenced.  Silenced in your churches and silences in your life. 

In the book of Revelation, you find the accuser who is Satan accusing us to God day and night.  We have to silence him and his army.  Jesus used the Word and we must too. You are not alone. I am not alone. 

Revelation 12:10 Then I heard a loud voice in heaven, saying, "Now the salvation, and the power, and the kingdom of our God and the authority of His Christ have come, for the accuser of our brethren has been thrown down, he who accuses them before our God day and night.

2 Corinthians 10:4-6 For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled.

Acts 3:19-20  Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord, and that he may send the Messiah, who has been appointed for you—even Jesus. 

Exodus 20:20 Moses said to the people, “Do not be afraid. God has come to test you, so that the fear of God will be with you to keep you from sinning.”

Proverbs 1:7 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction.
Proverbs 8:13  The fear of the LORD is to hate evil: pride, and arrogancy, and the evil way, and the froward mouth, do I hate.