I remember the first time I heard about Velvet Hearts.
I was attending a Christian freedom retreat and was surrounded by a small group
of like-minded women who were eager to seek the Lord for a deeper relationship
with Him. We were hungry for more of Him
and desired to be free from the bondage of our pasts. That weekend, I met Bambi
Flores, the founder of Velvet Hearts, and my spiritual journey with the Lord
has never been the same since.
While at the retreat, one of the women in attendance
admitted her past in the sex industry. To let her know she wasn’t alone, myself
and another woman raised our hands to say we had also previously worked as
exotic dancers. Bambi told us how she was being led by the Lord to start a
ministry to reach local dancers. As soon as she said this, I felt a deep tug in
my heart but immediately ignored it. I had tucked that part of my past deep
down inside and wasn’t ready to deal with it just yet.
You see, 18 years ago, I
was a part of the sex industry. I worked as a dancer at
a local club. The excitement of the lifestyle, the men and the chance to make
lots of money lured me in. I eventually left that scene, but due to some
shaming comments I had received, I was careful who I shared my past with for
fear of judgment and condemnation. To protect myself, I locked away that part
of my past. However, I was unaware that by stuffing this away, I was also
denying myself the chance to heal from things that happened to me during that
time. Years later, I chose a life for Jesus and He began putting influential,
loving people into my path as He directed me toward truth and healing.
After meeting Bambi, I would look for her Facebook
posts as Velvet Hearts officially launched. I watched as week after week she
posted photos and videos of the outreach team preparing to love on the women
they would encounter that night. Their faces were all so expectant and hopeful
as they held up body scrubs, makeup and cupcakes they would be bringing to show
love and acceptance as they visited the clubs to share Jesus with the women
working there. Each time I saw one of
her posts, I felt like I was supposed to be a part of that team and that tug in
my heart would pull again. I ignored it until I no longer could.
I finally reached out to Bambi offering to share my
story with her. She agreed to meet me for coffee. As we talked and she listened
to my testimony, something amazing and freeing happened. For the first time, I
began to see how protected by God I had been when I worked in the club. As I
heard my story unfolding in my own words, the Holy Spirit allowed me to see how
God had been in all the little details, keeping me safe. I finally realized
that all of this time, God had been chasing me down and drawing me to Him. In
that moment, I could sense the overwhelming love He had for me.
Bambi encouraged me to write my testimony down, to get
it all out and then ask the Holy Spirit to put me back in that club setting and
allow me to see where Jesus was in all of it. I went home and prayed, not sure
what to expect. Later that evening, a flood of emotions engulfed me as I began
remembering things that I had repressed: things I had done and things that were
done to me during that time. The pain was unimaginable and I was questioning why
this was happening but giving a name to what happened to me helped with the
healing process. I could feel the Holy Spirit working within me and although it
hurt to relive my past, I could feel nothing but love as He led me through
it.
I was then able to envision
Jesus in every area of that club. He was there through it
all: the nights I cried, the times I was disgusted with a customer, when I had
an altercation with another dancer, or when I was groped or too intoxicated. I
was never alone; He was always there, lovingly watching me and working it all out
to draw me to Him. As I relived my past, He showed me so much love, grace and
forgiveness. Through this exercise of prayer and writing my testimony, I was
able to receive supernatural healing from the hurt I had been carrying for so
many years.
Later, I was led by the Lord to join the Velvet Hearts
Go Team where I was given the privilege to serve alongside some amazing, godly
women. Walking back into that old environment was difficult at first but I
eventually fell right into it and looked forward to my Friday nights when I
would get to visit with the women I had befriended at the clubs. I loved being
able to make connections and show love to the women I saw each week. Nothing
else compares to hearing your name excitedly screamed over the loud thumping club
music, then turning to see a beautiful, bubbly young woman jumping off of the
stage to come hug your neck because she is so overjoyed that you came to see
her.
18 years ago, I never would’ve thought I would be on
the other side, being the one to share love, tears and prayers with these
precious women. During my time on the Go Team, I made connections with many
women that impacted me and will forever be dear to me. For some of the women I
encountered, hearing my testimony and knowing that we aren’t just “church
ladies” who come in to beat the bible over them, but that we have members who
have actually been involved in the industry, has allowed them to lower their
walls and let us share Jesus with them. I loved that I could relate to them on
such an intimate level.
So my support and love for
Velvet Hearts is personal. Because of Bambi’s
willingness to listen to the Lord and start this ministry, she has reached
countless women involved in the sex industry and has given them hope,
friendship and a place to turn to where they are accepted and loved. As she
does for all of the women she ministers to, Bambi pointed me to God who then
offered me healing, love and freedom. He gave me a clean heart and showed me
that I am seen, known, and loved.
- Jill Dusza
Former Velvet
Hearts Go Team member
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