I Have Been Stripped Naked

2017-Protected

Little did I know what 2017 had in store when it began.  I was given the word protected from the Holy Spirit (whom I often call HS).  This was His sweet way of letting me know there would be things I would need to be protected from.  I mean it is like having a personal body guard.  I was aware of many of the fiery darts and I am sure there were many I knew nothing about. I sense He was in briefing meetings often about the strategies to keep me protected.  Meetings with God the Father and Jesus the son.  Meetings with angels and also commandments to the demons who are hell bent on destruction.  I am thankful that in a court of law I have the Most High attorney on my side advocating for my benefit. 

At the beginning of Velvet Hearts (A ministry that exists to show the unconditional love of Jesus Christ to men and women who work in the sex industry), HS showed me that as I get to see these women in their nakedness, rawness and realness. I get to see them the way He sees them.  Naked and stripped. This vision was precious to me and made me feel even more honored and chosen. He trusts me and allows me to show His love to these women each and every single week.  Nakedness became the pure and real word that it was created to be, not this worldly, gross, exposed, terrible thing that it is today.  God created us naked in His sight, and He sees us naked. Then I looked up the definition of naked and in it found the word stripped, without clothes and without protection.  I was in awe because He is telling me I am protected and sending me to the people who are without protection.  What a risky thing? Am I truly protected?  What all am I protected from and why do I need protection? 

I am beyond thankful that I rarely struggle with being scared of things.  I am a bold person who enjoys taking risks especially when I have been asked to do something by HS.  There are many times I begin to feel the weight of this industry and hear the enemy saying there is nothing I can do to really make a difference.  Then HS shows me it is just a girl.  This is just about one girl. One heart, one story, and one life.  I refocus and march forward. 

So now let’s get to my year.  I realize this has been the year of stripping for me.  I am the girl.  I have been stripped naked this year in so many ways.  I have had to listen intently to the Lord for wisdom and guidance in a deep, groaning kinda way. I turned to HS and nestled myself into his wings almost daily as things were taken, stolen, and destroyed. Some of these things I released and some I held onto and He had to take away.  Some things I understood and some I am still unaware why.  I trust the Lord with all my heart, but that is not to say I am unhurt.  Yes, I am hurt.  Yes, I am bare. Yes, I feel completely naked and exposed.  It is uncomfortable.  I was a beautiful healthy tree and I have been pruned back to close to nothing.  From the outside looking in it might seem like I am dying or that death is imminent, but in my core, I am more strengthened today that I was December 31, 2016. 

What has been taken this year?  Well here is my short list and in each there was deep protection. 

1.      Fully Alive         

2.      Death of a Dog

3.      Job

4.      Church

5.      Friends

6.      Family

7.      Home

Like I said some of these were taken without my hands being open and some were released.  Either way many tears have been shed this year and much growth has taken place.  Many have not seen the growth because it happens deep in the hidden places.  And even though I am a barren tree in the middle of winter and look like I could be dead, there is a new life in me that is springing forth.  I will bear much fruit this coming year.  I have been stripped naked this year and the Lord has seen me as I am.  He is pleased and calls me redeemed and justified.  I have a clearer understanding of the wholeness of being naked and vulnerable.  I have a deeper faith in a rescuer that comes to protect and save.   And He gets ALL the glory, honor and praise.  I will forever cherish this year’s growth in the valley.  I am thankful for those who have walked right beside me and did not leave.  I am also thankful for the ones who have left and were pruned away. 

I stand here naked. 

I feel more comfortable in my skin than I have ever -- before, bruised, scarred, and broken. 

I am HIS.

Listen and be Encouraged

I AM PROTECTED

I wanted to write today about a new milestone. Grief and loss is a process whether it is a death, a divorce, a betrayal, or abuse they are all difficult and may seem impossible to get through.  I have been victim of loss and betrayal and although difficult the growing in the midst of the struggle is so important.  What I have learned is that there is no need to rush the process.  You may be days or years "past" the thing that happened and a smell or a song, or a person or a memory come rushing in and it feels like the loss just happened.  I also cannot compare the "thing" and say which is hardest.  Because in the middle of the grief they are all heavy.

Over the last year I have been struggling and learning and pressing in.  I am amazed at how God has shown up for me and delivered me from all kinds or abuse and betrayal.  I had a pastor who would always say, "if you haven't been hurt in church then you haven't been going to church long enough."  I would laugh at that seemingly true but funny joke and think of the people who had hurt me along the way.  People who gossiped about me, or people who said hurtful things about my kids, or my husband. Or the people who challenged my friendship, my honesty, my confidentiality, my play by the book ethics, or my boundaries (man do toxic people hate boundaries).

But the truth is none of those things hurt like this past year has hurt.  It is another kind of pain to see something you have invested your life, time, family, sweat and tears into ..... struggle and fall apart.  I tend to be a fixer and man has my fixing been going into high gear.  I have watched something I love dearly be so devastated that it does not look like the same thing it once was.  I have seen what drugs can do to a people and how addiction can completely destroy a totally healthy individual.  Drugs are from Satan and were created to kill, steal, and destroy.  Well there are many spirits who also are on the same mission and I have seen how people have been destroyed because of the enemy.  Watching something or someone you love fall apart is very hard.

Acknowledging I was a victim of abuse is the milestone.  I recently listened to a teaching about abusers and victims. It brought about much revelation.  Here are a few points I loved so much.

A. Most "victims " have been trained since childhood to believe it is their responsibility to carry this weight
B. People in the "victim" role are very likely to lose relationships when they take a stand.
C. Often faith communities oppose this person taking a radical stand. They are told to "submit" and "forgive" or they are seen as rebellious and dealt with as a problem or worse, ostracized...when this happens the same issue, inappropriate transfer of responsibility now comes from a larger group.

Understanding Abuse - Bob Hamp Click here to view training

I realize that as a child my parents involved me in some heavy decisions and asked a lot of me.  When my mom died when I was 19 years old I felt like the person who carried much of the weight as older siblings looked to me for guidance, called me the strong one, etc....  I have had many relationships where I stayed involved too long or got in too deep for the sake of helping that person.  If I didn't who was I would tell myself.  I was trained from a young age to be the fixer.

I don't like the word victim and honestly was mad that it was my truth.  I mean I feel like I try to stand up for victims and try to rescue them from terrible situations.  All the while many of them have abused me along the way.  It is like another lens has dropped from my eyes and I can finally see clearly.  

I was protected. I see I was a victim. I see I could not fight hard enough or expose truth long enough to stop the cycle that existed.  I am free.  I am no longer a fixer.

I mean I could go on and on about so many things that I am laying down.  This is a good day.  

New Chapter

We have been in a season of lots and lots of change.  Some honestly, have been much easier than others. I feel like God has been stripping John and I of many many things.  From material possessions ~ to friends ~ to jobs.

For me this year my word of the year has been Protected.  As I reflect on it I am amazed at how many things that were meant to harm, but God…… protected me…… completely.  He gave me the verse Exodus 14:14 to go along with the word Protected and I have leaned into this scripture almost daily.

I have learned a deepness of being still.  I almost despise busyness because it is the opposite of being still.  I have learned to trust the Lord to fight for me and not defend or fight for myself.  I come from a long history of fighting for what I believe in and making a way where I know there should be a way.  But this year has been completely different.  I cannot even begin to explain all the pieces, but trust me it is incredible and He gets all the glory.  The fact that I am not crushed in spirit is all because of my leaning and his faithfulness.  I am sharper and more humble and more patient than I have ever been.

For John he has also experienced many changes.  The biggest has been a job change and we expect a few more in 2018.  Although it was hard to make the change it already has been incredible.  We both know in the deepest part of our being that God is going to restore everything to a better, more incredible place than we can even think or imagine.  When our eyes don’t see our hearts know.

So, as we listened and heard to sell our house.  We began the preparations of selling a home we have been in for 14 years.  The house our kids grew up in.  The home so much freedom and restoration and life changes have happened for not only us, but so many others.  The place where depression almost killed me but the grace of God saved me.  We close in less than 2 weeks, right after Christmas.  We are moving forward and cannot wait to share with everyone the next steps.  It is smaller and minimal.  We are going to be able to save ~ and give ~ and go much more than we ever thought possible.  Our BIGGEST dreams are coming true and it has come in the stillness, the solitude, and the change.  

I'm honored to be able to share the struggle and the glory with each of you that read. 

Tabgha

Tabgha on the Sea of Galilee about 2 miles from Capernaum

Also known as Heptapegon meaning fresh spring.

 The location for the calling of the disciples. It is believed that here Jesus walked along the shore and called out to Simon Peter and Andrew who were casting their nets into the lake. Walking along, Jesus saw two other brothers, James and John who were preparing their nets with their father Zebedee. Jesus called all of these men to follow him....

We read John 21:1-25 here at this site. Jesus met again with the disciples for the “last breakfast.” Here he restored Peter to himself after the disciple’s three denials by asking him three times if Peter loved Jesus.

 These big heart rocks are estimated to have been there during the time of Jesus.

I could have sit on them all day and worshiped Him.

He has called each of us to be a disciple and this is where He called others to come and follow Him.

 We also bottled some water here at the sea!

The rocky shore didn’t hold back us from hoping straight to the water.

This is also where the first tithe from Sending Flores went out. There was a young woman sitting and listening as we read from John. The Holy Spirit clearly spoke she was one to give to.  So after we read I followed her away from that spot and asked her if we could talk. I gave her an envelope that contained $100. We took $1100 total to Israel with us as our tithe to the Holy Land. She did not know what was in it but quickly asked why I was giving it to her. I explained, that the Lord pointed her out to me and I was being obedient to him. She explained that she was from Moscow, Russia, traveling alone. Her shoes were torn and her clothes were old, she was a beautiful girl with a shaved head on bottom and dirty blonde long hair on top pulled back into a ponytail. I’ll never forget the look of confusion on her face when she was approached and given a gift, a free gift.

According to the gospels Jesus’s ministry center around the Sea of Galilee. The Lord spent most of the three years of ministry along the shore of this freshwater lake here He gave more than half of this parables and here He performed most of his miracles.