I know it has been a minute since I posted. This is short,
but I wanted to document a few thoughts before they are gone.
2017 was a dark year for me. A time when many things were stripped from me and when I took a breath it was yet another thing or another person leaving. So much was gone. Some through my obedience and some through the enemy stealing and killing. I said goodbye to my church home for the past 9 years. I said goodbye to my physical home for the past 13 years. I said goodbye to many relationships completely and some changed drastically. I spoke to a precious mentor of mine early in 2018 reflecting on all the change and she reminded
me because of all the change I am different and I react different. And because
of that people who were used to me one way does not know how to take me this
new way. Because of that some will walk away and I needed to be okay with that.
It is hard but I agreed. I trust those who have held the place of mentor and I
know they love and seek Holy Spirit on my behalf.
2018 has been a year of
rebuilding and growth. Most of it has been silent and in a spirit of
reflecting. Knowing not a thing lost will not be restored to a better and healthier
version of the past. Knowing that God is in charge of my life and a lot of dying
to self. My word for the year was Shama which is to hear. I have been listening
more than talking. I have allowed things to occur and seen the best and worst
in people. I have been more of an observer than ever before. I have set silent
on many things and just waiting on the Lord to move and shift things. I have
been pleading my case in the courtroom of justice and I know the Lord hears my
cries. I have been in a winter season
where things have been changing in me under the surface. Shifts have happened in
the deep places where God has shaved even more pride and arrogance away. Even
more fear is gone and birthed is a
trust in Him no matter what happens. I know if I am standing alone, I'm ok. I
do not need the praises of men, or the crowds of people to know who I am. I do
not have idols in friendships or recognition any longer. If no one sees that is
ok because I am obedient to HIM alone. I understand the sadness Jesus felt as
he was betrayed and beaten so much more.
I have more courage than I even
realized. I am shaking off the dust and becoming a new creation. I do not look
the same as the old tree I once was. Some will not recognize me. The truth is
my spirit is full and ready. I'm like a racehorse at the start line and I am
going to run my race. The work in the soil is complete and he is calling me to
shake off the darkness of the changing process and the winter months, when
nothing grows or blossoms. I am rising up and embracing HIS springtime so that
I might flourish in HIS presence. I am responding to Jesus. Just like a new
plant I am fragile but strong. There's a YES in my heart and it carries through eternity. Simple obedience
~~~~ it changes history. Take courage the harvest is ripe.
Take Courage
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