I AM SUFFERING

Hey friends I know it has been a little while since I have written.  I have been having babies (not literally-friend’s babies) and have been sitting alone a lot.  My husband called today and asked what I was doing and I said just reading.  He said that must be nice.  Meaning I have the whole house to myself and its quiet (which he rarely gets) and I can do anything I want for the majority of every day.  It was in that moment I confessed to him, yes but I am getting lonely.  He quickly replied oh goodness I will be praying for that and was understanding of what all that meant.  

This comes after a different week than I have had in a long time.  I was able to spend some really good time with friends over the holiday weekend and it was so good for me.  I came home though Monday night and had a really ugly cry.  It has been building for months and months.  Nothing in particular caused it to explode, but it was much needed.  Out of nowhere for a good hours tears, snot, unrecognizable words, sadness, grief, anger, confusion, and heartbrokenness. Often, I mask how I am really doing for the I am fine and everything is great phrase.  It is true in its deepest meaning, but on the surface, I am struggling.  I still battle with my thoughts and believing and understanding of many things. Am I doing the right thing? Why has all this happened. What in the world is God doing? Does anyone see what is happening right in front of our eyes? 

So, coming from a really vulnerable place, I am so tender.  I know I hear God and He alone is my protector.  He gave me this word PROTECTED for the year and man has He been doing a great job, while I try and keep my hands empty.  I find myself picking up things and He reminds me again and again.  Exodus 14:13-14 says Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. ¹⁴ The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”  This is the verse I cling too when things seem impossible or difficult.

The Lord has asked me to move forward and he has closed doors this year that I really did not want closed and still lack understanding of why they were closed.  I have been sitting and listening and waiting to know my next steps and what the future will look like.  I have not received, "my orders" and here I am still sitting.  I want to be connected.  I want to be involved.  I want to lead.  I want to teach. I want to move forward NOW.  But it is not happening, at least not in the way I thought it would, should, or could.  Friends do not understand either.  Some have even been bold enough to say what they think and others just give me the confused look and I see the big question mark in their thoughts.  But that is okay because I do not answer to them, I answer to Him.  So, I sit and wait and do not know where or what tomorrow will look like.

So, I was on Facebook a bit a ago and this little thing popped up "A letter From God." and this is what mine said:

I was quickly reminded of my word PROTECTED and again I lay those things I was picking up down.  It honestly does feel like suffering and I had not clearly identified with that word until now.  I am suffering.  Then I grabbed a word I received a few years ago and again WOW GOD.  It says: (Literally word for word) 

Slow down. It doesn't all have to be done today. Give yourself the freedom to rest in His presence. He wants to renew your strength and refresh your spirit. 

Luke 12:29-32 ^“What I’m trying to do here is get you to relax, not be so preoccupied with getting so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep yourself in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Don’t be afraid of missing out. You’re my dearest friends! The Father wants to give you the very kingdom itself.

I am PROTECTED.

I am not alone.

The Kingdom is mine.

I will REST.

I will OBEY.

It's okay to miss out.

I am SUFFERING.

Romans 5:3-5 More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

1 Peter 5:10 And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.

James 1:2-4 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

Romans 8:18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.

John 16:33 I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” 

I AM Jesus in a Strip Club

What does it mean to be Jesus in a strip club?  Well what does it mean to be Jesus anywhere.  The truth is that being Jesus is being love  Jesus is love.  A long time ago the Holy Spirit called me to, Go and make disciples of all nations, Matthew 28:19.  He continued by telling me that I was not called to stay in a “holy huddle” inside of church, but to take what I have learned inside the church and in my private time studying the word, into this lost and fallen world.  My testimony is someone else’s prophecy.

Never, in a million years, did I imagine Him saying to me

Bambi I want you to go to strip clubs & love

on the people who work there. But here I am after hearing those exact words --- going into strip clubs and doing my best at representing Him well.  I am what you would call a newbie at this particular ministry, but He is the expert and He guides me so well. 

Don’t be fooled, I was really questioning my sanity about this ministry and wondering why in the world me and why in the world strip clubs, but then GOD  He reminded me of how He prepared me, how I have been redeemed from who I once was.  He has healed me from bitterness, brokenness, and a big list of diagnosable diseases.  He birthed in me at a really young age, a heart for the less fortunate and the broken.  For His lost and His rebellious.  He showed me I am qualified to reach them because He is with me. 

So practically, how do you “Be Jesus in a Strip Club?”  Well let’s look at what love is, since Jesus is love.  The first part of 1 Corinthians 13.  He describes what love is perfectly and this removes the worldly lens that many see love through, including most dictionaries.  Many know these verse from weddings and it is commonly referred to for married couples, but the truth is, this is love not just for a man and a woman. 

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.

Love in the face of rejection. Love in the face of acceptance. 

Love when your full of joy and love when you are in deep grief. 

Love when no one else stands with you, and love when you are hand in hand with an army. 

Love when you are oppressed and love when you are completely free. 

Love to your children and love to a dancer. 

Love to your enemy and love to your bestie. 

Love when it is hard and love when it is easy.

When the Holy Spirit is invited in to fill places that have been hurt, your body can have a physical reaction to His presence.  You must be surrendered to Him and His will and consider your life worth nothing to you; your only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given you--the task of testifying to the good news of God's grace. Acts 20:24 

I have felt a physical reaction to Him several different times going into strip clubs.  He is madly in love with each and every one of the people there.  He is a savior that goes after the one.  He has sent me and people like me all over the world to show His love.  It is a love that is not tainted.  It expects nothing in return.  It is consistent when we are not.  It shows up and brings us favor in unreal ways.  It is perfect and casts out all fear.  Sex industry workers are valuable people.  Just because others to do see their value or they do not see their own value does not change the way God sees them. 

One other very important thing to remember about Jesus is He calls us not to judge others.  You have to walk into the strips clubs laying down your judgments.  They will cloud and completely get in the way of love.  Lead with love and all else will be set aside. 

I am in love with Jesus and He makes all things possible.

The Bee and the Bottle

Do your hear it? The sweet, low hum of the beautiful bees flying, almost floating, in the seemingly endless sky. The light glistens on their wings as they flutter in and out of the magnificent rays of sun that fall on their back as if to amplify their beauty.  Minute particles fill the rays of sunlight billowing through the air as if they are the supporting their flight. Hovering over Gods’ wildflowers feasting on the sweet nectar God has intended for them to partake. Freedom. For there is no limit to where the bees can fly. There is no limit to the satisfying sweetness of the pedals to which they can land. Freedom. There is endless community offered to them and they are not encapsulated by boundaries. They are on a journey called for and ordained for them. They are in the sweet spot for which God has created them. They are enjoying all that God intended for them. Freedom!

But…

What if… what if they were not free? Would they know it?

There is a bottle, top off of course because with the top on death is surely imminent. The Bees are captured in the bottle. Freedom awaits them at the top of the bottle but do they know it? As they fly in captivity- up, down, circling, confused. What do they do? Their tiny wings are in a frenzy of activity but going nowhere. There is no pedal, no nectar dripping from the sweet flower. Only space. Their perspective is skewed. They can see thru the bottle. But, the ridges, the curves, the thickness of the glass taints the truth. Their reality is different. No longer do the rays of sunlight allow them to bask in its glow. Instead, the warmth and comfort from the sun has turned into intense heat as it is magnified thru the glass searing their skin. There is no air gently billowing around them helping them in flight. There is only stagnant air compressing their breath- their flight-their will.

Some will venture to the top of the bottle. They will bravely go through it’s slim neck as the heat continues to get more intense as they rise. They will see the small opening at the top. Not knowing what awaits them they will forge forward with faith. Their little wings beating in a frenzy, with no rhythmic pattern- just flying, hoping that what is on the outside is better than the reality of the bottle. As they get to the opening- they will hesitate for just a moment: waiting, hovering, wondering what awaits. As they bravely crest the tip of the bottle they get their first glimpse of the reality outside. It is different! It is MAGNIFICNET!  The winds are blowing freely and the smell of wildflowers in bloom have overtaken them. Nectar! They boldly FLY! They have found the vastness, the wonder, the true place they are supposed to be- God’s intention for them. Freedom is theirs!

But, sadly not all the Bees will find the soulful contentment of the freedom of God’s design for them. Some, will have just enough courage to fly thru the narrow corridor of the bottle hoping to crest the top and yet when they get to the opening where freedom awaits they stop. Fear has paralyzed their freedom. They know the reality of the bottle is not their purpose but it is comfortable. They know the bottle. Their spirit is sad but it is secure-secure in a reality that was never meant to be theirs. Their will and their wings give up and they listlessly settle back into the bottle. But, every once in a while their spirit will rise up. They may get a sweet breathe of air that has pushed its way down the neck of the bottle and get reminded of what could possibly be outside. They get courageous!  They fly as fast as they can to the top with their tiny wings in alignment for a brief moment of time with their spirit! They flutter and fly in a whirling circle to the top!  “This time I am going to do it! This time!!!” they think.  As they get to the top they catch a glimpse, they smell the intense smell of the nectar! But wait- why are they not forging mightily thru the opening?? Why have their wings begin to slow in flight? Keep going!! And then their frenzy of fluttering turns into a wisp of slow saddening movements and their wings quit flying. In an instant they feel themselves descending back into the abyss of the bottle. They have given up. Flight and freedom allude them once again.

And yet, there is another, even more heartbreaking, bee. The one that never tries to fly to the top at all. Content with slowly circling the base of the bottle never to even know what awaits at the top. The sweet nectar, the wildflowers, the billowing wind, the endless flight of Gods’ intent for them- they will never know. Their days will simply be… days. No joy. No fast fluttering of their wings in anticipation of what is to come. Just…time. Joy- there is none. Just existence.  While their freedom awaits them at the top the bottle they will perch themselves in the reality of the mire at the bottom of bottle. Oh... they can see the ones that have bravely forged to the top and found their willful escape. They can see them thru the bumps and ridges of the glass! They see them floating, flying, feasting and yet they chose to stay.

You see my friend- we are the Bees. We have been given our freedom. It is ours to take but, we must chose to fly. God is a gentleman. He will not force our freedom upon us but he will weep if we chose not to take it. He has opened the top of the bottle but we must fly out in faith. Which bee are you my beloved?

Concept: Bambi Flores

Writer: Anisa Coates

Exposing Sin

Recently I confronted something I considered sin.  The person not only denied it, but attempted to turn it around to look like I was the person in the wrong.  It is well (now) with my soul, because I know I did my part.  I confronted it, pointed it out, and exposed it to others.  Now it is the responsibility of others, not mine. I struggled for a while with it not being handled or action not being taken.  I have chosen to surrender this and the outcome to God the Father.  He is more than capable of handling all things.    

Many times, I believe Christians think because God is the ultimate judge that we cannot call out sin when we see it.  Well I believe we are actually called to point out to people when they are in a sin, especially a stronghold.  There are things, of course, that need to be in place ---- before that happens.  Here are a few of my thoughts on this.

1. You need to have a clear word from the Holy Spirit that you are supposed to say something, what you are supposed to say, and (very important) when you are supposed to say it.  The right word at the wrong time is the wrong word. 

2. Having a relationship with the person, not always a must, but also usually important.  Holy Spirit can give you a word of knowledge for a complete stranger and I advised be obedient in giving that word.  But very effective is wounds from a friend can be trusted. Proverbs 27:6

Proverbs 27:17 As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. 1 Corinthians 12:8 For truly, to one is given a word of wisdom by the Spirit, and to another a word of knowledge according to the same Spirit. Something that has “grown me up” the most has been friends and mentors who were willing to call me out on things I was either ignorant of, or being ignorant in.

3. Leadership is a whole other level.  Scriptures says leadership, pastors, teachers, etc…. are held to a higher standard. James 3:1 Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. There is also scripture that speaks about the process of confronting those in leadership.  Matthew 18:15-17 If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

I believe we are called to confront sin.  Sin is missing the mark.  It is helpful, beneficial and necessary.  I do think it is so important to be willing to walk it out with a person.  It is not okay to point it out and walk away, unless you are forced.  Allow Holy Spirit to minister to others through you.  His power in His word is effective, Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

Do not be afraid to point out sin. 
Do not be afraid to stand your ground. 
Do not be afraid to say the truth. 
Even if you have to walk away.

I AM Forgiven

One of the biggest doors for the enemy to come into your life is bitterness.  Bitterness through offense is a huge burden to carry.  When you're offended, seek the Lord and ask for wisdom.  Offer forgiveness to the other person and allow Holy Spirit though His power to heal your heart and soul.

I have walked through some very difficult times over the last 6 months.  My integrity, theology, and identity have all been attacked from several different sources/people.  It has been exhausting and also rewarding.  I have been crushed in spirit and the Lord has drawn so near to me.  It is amazing how He chases those that are brokenhearted.  I have witnessed it so dramatically the last few months it has been a struggle to put it into words. He has saved me………

Psalm 34:18

For those of you who know me I often try to make analogies of what I am feeling or trying to say.  I would compare what I have gone through to an abusive relationship, divorce, being beaten, and war, and even death.  Truth is that what has happened isn’t an analogy at all, but real life things that have caused me to look in the mirror and go before the Lord asking some really hard questions of myself and of Him.  I’m so thankful he can handle ALL my questions because I found some of them were too hard for me to bear. 

One thing I am so sure of is that I must forgive those who have: hurt me, called me names, put their hands up against me, denied me, rejected me, tossed me out, refused to hear me, refused to protect me turned a blind eye to harsh treatment, and so much more.  Situations and events run through my head like a record that was recorded of each things that happened and the enemy whispers to me all the reason why I should not even consider forgiveness.  But I know it is a commandment from God Matthew 6:14 If you forgive those who sin against you, your Heavenly Father will forgive you. 

So today I publicly say I forgive those who has sinned against me.  I am erasing the recording and rewriting those things where I was hurt.  I am choosing to see the good in the situation and how God has strengthened me in this season.  How I have so much more anointing now than before.  I long to be closer and more like you Jesus every day.  Little did I know that the places you would have me walk would be so difficult. 

Now I am moving forward to the healing process.  This week was a turning point for me.  It is a time of release and diving into a new thing.  The power from the resurrection of Jesus is alive and active in me.  In Greek that mighty power is called DYNAMIS. And it has the power to perform miracles.  I know that forgiveness is a miracle because somethings are impossible to forgive on our own.  But through His power all things are possible.  My soul has been so wounded, it has been like war.  In war, we do not have time to heal, we just slap on a Band-Aid and keep going.  But now I am being examined by the Great Physician and He is revealing to me broken bones and areas that need splinting.  I am healing.  It is a process, but it is good.  He is close and I am better today than I was yesterday.

TRUTH vs slander

What's the difference between the truth and slander?

Well slander is saying false things about someone.  Ruining someone's reputation with allegations you have no truthful evidence to sustain. 

The TRUTH is stating what has happened to you in the most honest way.  Doing it with no intention of ruining a reputation, not adding or embellishing. And not adding your opinion or why. Sometimes sharing the truth can have consequences for the people involved in the story, well most of the time it does.

For instance, recently my house was broken into and robbed. The truth is that my son was working with a man who used that relationship to gain personal information about our home and our possessions. This person had evil intentions with the information he obtained and eventually used what he learned to his benefit and our harm. He determined when we would be away from the house and he determined where the items he wanted to steal were located, and he came into our home and took them. He not only took these things but rummaged through drawers and cabinets and was in our home alone. This situation could have ended up so differently because much to this man's surprise there was someone in our home the first time he came in. Yes-someone was in the shower and after rummaging around, and he must have heard this person and fled our house. This did not stop his need for taking things that were not his. He waited until the home was empty and came back and took what he wanted.  The truth is he came into our house Without Permission!  Once we confirmed what happened and who this was we made a decision to tell the truth. We called the police department and explained to them what happened. They immediately filed a report and questioned the suspect and others who he shared information with and made a decision they had enough to make an arrest.  This man was arrested for his actions*. His choices and words and actions had consequences. These consequences may have changed relationships in both his and our lives and could affect his reputation, but the truth was told. I do not feel bad for this person because he made a choice. Having your house broken into feels terrible. It effects your sense of security and makes you question a lot of things. I am thankful for an investigation and thankful for the proof the police found.  I'm thankful this man is behind bars and is learning he will have consequences for his hurtful illegal actions. In this situation, justice is being served. I know God uses all situations for our good and I pray in this case that this man will learn good and God will get the glory for his transformation. Our intentions with calling the police was not to ruin his life or hurt his reputation but it was to expose the truth about what happened. We am called to protect our family and our home.  By sharing what happened I could have prevented someone else from being robbed. I never slandered him, just shared the truth.   I do not even think if I shared his name and his picture it would be slander, still the truth.  But in this case, I believe the police (the people you call to help you) have handled it well and I feel protected and safe again.  This is not to say that there were many nights I had trouble sleeping, and there was fear to enter my own home alone too.  I had to walk through a process of healing and trust in God to not let anything happen.  You see it took a while between the break in and robbery and the time he was arrested.  In fact, it was several months.  And while he was still out, my mind sometimes made up stories which were frightening. 

I want to declare I have not only had victory in this but I am an overcomer.  “He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. ‘To him who overcomes I will give to eat from the tree of life, which is in the midst of the Paradise of God.”’ – Revelation 2:7

*He is in the Parker County Jail on a second degree felony of Burglary of a Habitation.

I AM worth FAR more than Rubies

Proverbs 31:10 - Who can find a virtuous woman, for her price is far above rubies.

What is the price/value of a ruby?

A ruby can command the highest prices of any colored gemstone.  The per-carat prices of fine-quality rubies have been rising consistently, many times breaking auction records.  A ruby is a pink to blood-red colored gemstone and the most expensive ruby is the sunrise gemstone and is only beat out in price by the diamond.

 

This 25.59-carat sunrise ruby was sold for a record US$30.42 million in 12 May 2015 at a Sotheby's auction in Geneva, Switzerland to an anonymous buyer.

What does it take to be a virtuous women---- or an excellent woman?  The Hebrew word here is chayil. Meaning strength, ability, efficiency, wealth, and army.  The word virtuous has a reference to strength of character, and implies mental and moral energy, or courage.  Courage is the stricter meaning of the word and it also implies a deep and healthy fear of God. 

Hebrews 3:14 - We have come to share in Christ, if indeed we hold our original conviction firmly to the very end.

Hebrews 4:14 - Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess.

Holding on to the end takes strength of character.  I have seen many fail at this.  I have personally seen many received freedom, healing, deliverance, restoration, and transformation only to maintain this for the short term. There is something about hanging on to the end. 

A few weeks ago, I started running and am in the process of training for a 5K, 10K and eventually half marathon.   It is hard to hang on.  I get started strong and feel myself wanting to quit right in the middle.  It gets hard, I get sweaty, and I'm breathing hard.  But I run away from my house so I have to come back.  I have to finish.  I'm always thankful when I do, but it is hard in the middle.  I think so many do not have the mental and moral energy to push through in their middle. 

Then what about those moments when you are not treated like a precious ruby, in fact you are thrown out, discarded, called names, judged, and your identity is questioned.   Those "middle" times are extremely difficult.  So much so, it would be easy to stop or quit.  But He calls us to finish. 

2 Timothy 4: 7 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. 

The world wants you to quit.  Sometimes friends want you to quit.  Your enemies definitely want you to quit.  But He wants you to finish.  What is your middle?  Where are you in the race?  How will you finish.  Do you have a healthy fear of God?  You must finish well because there will be a judgment day where your work, words, actions, and intentions here on earth will go through the fire and If it is burned up, the builder will suffer loss but yet will be saved--even though only as one escaping through the flames. 1 Corinthians 3:15

I am praying even in the hardest times of your life that you push though.  I am praying that in the hardest times in my life that I finish well.  How can I be praying for you?  You are worth
FAR MORE than rubies.  That’s a lot sweet friend.

Be encouraged!