Confession Time

Okay, many of my friends and family are asking the BIG question, “Where did you move?” Well it's an ongoing story and hard to give (especially text) an answer.  So, I will do my best to explain what’s going on in the life of Sending Flores.

For the last year John has been preparing for promotion within his job. Most likely that requires a move because DFW is the hot spot for transfers not interviews for Sergeant. So, John and I really felt like the Lord was telling us for some time to sell our house.  We spoke to a realtor, even a few years ago, but never moved forward.  Anyway, we knew we were being led to sell the house even if we didn’t promote soon.  Therefore last year was a year full of getting the house, and our hearts, ready for selling.  Selling a home you have been in for 14 years is tough to say the least.  There are so many memories and experiences that have happened in a home.  From parties, to freedom, to tears and losses, to major victories they all begin to flood into your mind when you begin to part with something.  Not to mention all the people who have come and gone from that house.  You see we are notorious for allowing people to live with us while they are in transition.

John and I both felt like this next season of our lives would be TRANSITIONAL, meaning movement and I see the word FLUID when I consider my immediate future.  SO, with that being said we began to toss around the idea of getting a 5^th wheel to live in while we are fluid and that way we are not breaking lease after lease with every new step.  Our desire is to be in the center of God’s will and for this season it is going to require many moves and places.  The exciting part is this means new people to see and experience.  I am honored already that I will have the ability to speak into new lives and show new people the light of Jesus.  

We went to The Potter’s house and heard TD Jakes preach.  And guess what we also got to meet him and speak with him afterward……..  The sermon was titled, The Homeless Jesus.  This sermon really lit a fire in both John and I and gave us the ability to move forward into something we know God had been speaking to us about.  I would love for you to listen and believe that God has something for each of you in this sermon.  The Homeless Jesus

To summarize, he spoke about how Jesus was no longer welcomed even in his home town and how he was misunderstood.  It was revelation to John and I and brought much comfort to our spirits.  

So, the home improvements began and there was paint, a kitchen remodel and some new appliances put in.  Our home was being prepared to sell.  We finally put it on the market on November 22 at about noon.  And by Saturday evening we had a contact for full asking price.  I knew it was a risk of putting the house on the market, but wow it sold and it sold quickly.  The advantages of this is that we didn’t have to keep it clean and “show worthy” for very long.  The other advantage is that while we were in Israel it was appraised and inspected and because of this day and age we remote signed all the documentation.  Upon returning from Israel we had 21 days to be out.  

We literally got off the plane and went directly to an RV place to look at RV’s.  We decided to also look for used ones and we fell in love a day later.  Friends helped up with the down payment and we brought the RV home about a week before we closed.  We have a storage unit for all the irreplaceable things like pictures, and antiques from childhood, and of course all of Johns tools and hunting stuff.  Long and short we transitioned from 2,000 sq. ft. to probably around 150 sq. ft. 

So ,yes we are living in an RV.  We moved into Weatherford for now, but don’t plan to be here long.  We are expectant on open doors for promotion and plan to be pretty fluid in the next few years.  We have BIG dreams for the future and downsizing and moving are all a part of being able to save big.  We are thankful for prayers and support because it has not been all rainbows and ponies so far.  We moved into this RV on the coldest week Texas has seen in quite some time.  Things froze and I had a few meltdowns.  But each day is a new day and I am beginning to have a routine.  We are camping, for real, every day.  We have minimized and it feels really good.  Yes John and I are fine.  Pray for open doors and promotion for us.  Velvet Hearts is still moving forward and actually growing a ton.  Everything is awesome and we are centered and grounded.  

I hope this long explanation helps with all the questions and I figured it was about time I write about it so I can let you all know about the meltdowns too.  JK LOL.  😊

ShamaAqui שָׁמַע-2018

On December 10 I woke up to my prayer language.  A common word I say when praying spirit to spirit is shamaaqui.  I never thought of researching to see if it actually had a "real" meaning.  I thought to myself in that moment,  "I wonder what my new word would be for 2018." My mind took over and I thought of something to do with new beginnings or change.  I mean after 2017 I really need something new and fresh.  I began to look up definition to these words and other similar ones and nothing made sense in my spirit and again shamaaqui came to mind. 

So I googled the word shamaaqui and nothing.  Then I clearly heard two words.  So I typed in shama and could not even believe what happened next.  Not only is it a word, but a Hebrew word.  I had just returned on December 5 from the land of Hebrew--Israel.  I was in awe and my spirit rose up so joyful and excited.  I hit John sleeping soundly next to me and said listen you are never going to believe this.  He was not as excited being woke up to me dancing in bed.  I began to read though the words used in the bible in connection to shama and tears began to run down my face. 

This is it! 

Strong's Concordance 8085. shama

shama: to hear Original Word: שָׁמַע Transliteration: shama Phonetic Spelling: (shaw-mah') announce (2), announced (3), announces (3), completely (1), comprehends (1), diligently (1), discern (1), disregarded (1), gave heed (2), give earnest heed (1), given heed (2), hear (270), hear (1), heard (363), heard for certain (1), hearing (5), hears (33), heed (5), heeded (2), indeed obey (1), keep on listening (1), listen (226), listen attentively (1), listen carefully (3), listen closely (1), listen obediently (2), listened (52), listening (12), listens (7), loud-sounding (3), made a proclamation (1), make his heard (1), make their heard (1), make them known (1), make themselves heard (1), make your heard (1), obedient (1), obey (32), obey (14), obeyed (21), obeyed (5), obeying (6), obeys (1), overheard (1), pay heed (1), proclaim (15), proclaimed (6), proclaims (1), reported (3), sang (1), show (1), sound (2), sound (1), sounded (1), summon (2), summoned (2), surely hear (1), surely heard (1), truly obey (1), understand (7), understanding (1), understood (1), witness (1)

You can imagine my delight even if you have been only following my blog.  And then the big kicker.  The verse attached to the word shama is Isaiah 42:9 and again I am hitting John and weeping and excited and dancing in bed.  I encourage you to read the whole thing because it brought me great joy and sealed a lot of things for me.   

Click Here for Isaiah 42

And if that is not enough the second part of the word is aqui, which is Spanish for here and Latin for water.  Hear here. Hear water. Water is a representation in scripture of Holy Spirit.  I could go on and on but for now I am going to leave you with this.  I will choose this day and all of 2018 to hear here and listen to the announcements of Holy Spirit because they are springing into being. 

I Have Been Stripped Naked

2017-Protected

Little did I know what 2017 had in store when it began.  I was given the word protected from the Holy Spirit (whom I often call HS).  This was His sweet way of letting me know there would be things I would need to be protected from.  I mean it is like having a personal body guard.  I was aware of many of the fiery darts and I am sure there were many I knew nothing about. I sense He was in briefing meetings often about the strategies to keep me protected.  Meetings with God the Father and Jesus the son.  Meetings with angels and also commandments to the demons who are hell bent on destruction.  I am thankful that in a court of law I have the Most High attorney on my side advocating for my benefit. 

At the beginning of Velvet Hearts (A ministry that exists to show the unconditional love of Jesus Christ to men and women who work in the sex industry), HS showed me that as I get to see these women in their nakedness, rawness and realness. I get to see them the way He sees them.  Naked and stripped. This vision was precious to me and made me feel even more honored and chosen. He trusts me and allows me to show His love to these women each and every single week.  Nakedness became the pure and real word that it was created to be, not this worldly, gross, exposed, terrible thing that it is today.  God created us naked in His sight, and He sees us naked. Then I looked up the definition of naked and in it found the word stripped, without clothes and without protection.  I was in awe because He is telling me I am protected and sending me to the people who are without protection.  What a risky thing? Am I truly protected?  What all am I protected from and why do I need protection? 

I am beyond thankful that I rarely struggle with being scared of things.  I am a bold person who enjoys taking risks especially when I have been asked to do something by HS.  There are many times I begin to feel the weight of this industry and hear the enemy saying there is nothing I can do to really make a difference.  Then HS shows me it is just a girl.  This is just about one girl. One heart, one story, and one life.  I refocus and march forward. 

So now let’s get to my year.  I realize this has been the year of stripping for me.  I am the girl.  I have been stripped naked this year in so many ways.  I have had to listen intently to the Lord for wisdom and guidance in a deep, groaning kinda way. I turned to HS and nestled myself into his wings almost daily as things were taken, stolen, and destroyed. Some of these things I released and some I held onto and He had to take away.  Some things I understood and some I am still unaware why.  I trust the Lord with all my heart, but that is not to say I am unhurt.  Yes, I am hurt.  Yes, I am bare. Yes, I feel completely naked and exposed.  It is uncomfortable.  I was a beautiful healthy tree and I have been pruned back to close to nothing.  From the outside looking in it might seem like I am dying or that death is imminent, but in my core, I am more strengthened today that I was December 31, 2016. 

What has been taken this year?  Well here is my short list and in each there was deep protection. 

1.      Fully Alive         

2.      Death of a Dog

3.      Job

4.      Church

5.      Friends

6.      Family

7.      Home

Like I said some of these were taken without my hands being open and some were released.  Either way many tears have been shed this year and much growth has taken place.  Many have not seen the growth because it happens deep in the hidden places.  And even though I am a barren tree in the middle of winter and look like I could be dead, there is a new life in me that is springing forth.  I will bear much fruit this coming year.  I have been stripped naked this year and the Lord has seen me as I am.  He is pleased and calls me redeemed and justified.  I have a clearer understanding of the wholeness of being naked and vulnerable.  I have a deeper faith in a rescuer that comes to protect and save.   And He gets ALL the glory, honor and praise.  I will forever cherish this year’s growth in the valley.  I am thankful for those who have walked right beside me and did not leave.  I am also thankful for the ones who have left and were pruned away. 

I stand here naked. 

I feel more comfortable in my skin than I have ever -- before, bruised, scarred, and broken. 

I am HIS.

Listen and be Encouraged

I AM PROTECTED

I wanted to write today about a new milestone. Grief and loss is a process whether it is a death, a divorce, a betrayal, or abuse they are all difficult and may seem impossible to get through.  I have been victim of loss and betrayal and although difficult the growing in the midst of the struggle is so important.  What I have learned is that there is no need to rush the process.  You may be days or years "past" the thing that happened and a smell or a song, or a person or a memory come rushing in and it feels like the loss just happened.  I also cannot compare the "thing" and say which is hardest.  Because in the middle of the grief they are all heavy.

Over the last year I have been struggling and learning and pressing in.  I am amazed at how God has shown up for me and delivered me from all kinds or abuse and betrayal.  I had a pastor who would always say, "if you haven't been hurt in church then you haven't been going to church long enough."  I would laugh at that seemingly true but funny joke and think of the people who had hurt me along the way.  People who gossiped about me, or people who said hurtful things about my kids, or my husband. Or the people who challenged my friendship, my honesty, my confidentiality, my play by the book ethics, or my boundaries (man do toxic people hate boundaries).

But the truth is none of those things hurt like this past year has hurt.  It is another kind of pain to see something you have invested your life, time, family, sweat and tears into ..... struggle and fall apart.  I tend to be a fixer and man has my fixing been going into high gear.  I have watched something I love dearly be so devastated that it does not look like the same thing it once was.  I have seen what drugs can do to a people and how addiction can completely destroy a totally healthy individual.  Drugs are from Satan and were created to kill, steal, and destroy.  Well there are many spirits who also are on the same mission and I have seen how people have been destroyed because of the enemy.  Watching something or someone you love fall apart is very hard.

Acknowledging I was a victim of abuse is the milestone.  I recently listened to a teaching about abusers and victims. It brought about much revelation.  Here are a few points I loved so much.

A. Most "victims " have been trained since childhood to believe it is their responsibility to carry this weight
B. People in the "victim" role are very likely to lose relationships when they take a stand.
C. Often faith communities oppose this person taking a radical stand. They are told to "submit" and "forgive" or they are seen as rebellious and dealt with as a problem or worse, ostracized...when this happens the same issue, inappropriate transfer of responsibility now comes from a larger group.

Understanding Abuse - Bob Hamp Click here to view training

I realize that as a child my parents involved me in some heavy decisions and asked a lot of me.  When my mom died when I was 19 years old I felt like the person who carried much of the weight as older siblings looked to me for guidance, called me the strong one, etc....  I have had many relationships where I stayed involved too long or got in too deep for the sake of helping that person.  If I didn't who was I would tell myself.  I was trained from a young age to be the fixer.

I don't like the word victim and honestly was mad that it was my truth.  I mean I feel like I try to stand up for victims and try to rescue them from terrible situations.  All the while many of them have abused me along the way.  It is like another lens has dropped from my eyes and I can finally see clearly.  

I was protected. I see I was a victim. I see I could not fight hard enough or expose truth long enough to stop the cycle that existed.  I am free.  I am no longer a fixer.

I mean I could go on and on about so many things that I am laying down.  This is a good day.  

New Chapter

We have been in a season of lots and lots of change.  Some honestly, have been much easier than others. I feel like God has been stripping John and I of many many things.  From material possessions ~ to friends ~ to jobs.

For me this year my word of the year has been Protected.  As I reflect on it I am amazed at how many things that were meant to harm, but God…… protected me…… completely.  He gave me the verse Exodus 14:14 to go along with the word Protected and I have leaned into this scripture almost daily.

I have learned a deepness of being still.  I almost despise busyness because it is the opposite of being still.  I have learned to trust the Lord to fight for me and not defend or fight for myself.  I come from a long history of fighting for what I believe in and making a way where I know there should be a way.  But this year has been completely different.  I cannot even begin to explain all the pieces, but trust me it is incredible and He gets all the glory.  The fact that I am not crushed in spirit is all because of my leaning and his faithfulness.  I am sharper and more humble and more patient than I have ever been.

For John he has also experienced many changes.  The biggest has been a job change and we expect a few more in 2018.  Although it was hard to make the change it already has been incredible.  We both know in the deepest part of our being that God is going to restore everything to a better, more incredible place than we can even think or imagine.  When our eyes don’t see our hearts know.

So, as we listened and heard to sell our house.  We began the preparations of selling a home we have been in for 14 years.  The house our kids grew up in.  The home so much freedom and restoration and life changes have happened for not only us, but so many others.  The place where depression almost killed me but the grace of God saved me.  We close in less than 2 weeks, right after Christmas.  We are moving forward and cannot wait to share with everyone the next steps.  It is smaller and minimal.  We are going to be able to save ~ and give ~ and go much more than we ever thought possible.  Our BIGGEST dreams are coming true and it has come in the stillness, the solitude, and the change.  

I'm honored to be able to share the struggle and the glory with each of you that read. 

Tabgha

Tabgha on the Sea of Galilee about 2 miles from Capernaum

Also known as Heptapegon meaning fresh spring.

 The location for the calling of the disciples. It is believed that here Jesus walked along the shore and called out to Simon Peter and Andrew who were casting their nets into the lake. Walking along, Jesus saw two other brothers, James and John who were preparing their nets with their father Zebedee. Jesus called all of these men to follow him....

We read John 21:1-25 here at this site. Jesus met again with the disciples for the “last breakfast.” Here he restored Peter to himself after the disciple’s three denials by asking him three times if Peter loved Jesus.

 These big heart rocks are estimated to have been there during the time of Jesus.

I could have sit on them all day and worshiped Him.

He has called each of us to be a disciple and this is where He called others to come and follow Him.

 We also bottled some water here at the sea!

The rocky shore didn’t hold back us from hoping straight to the water.

This is also where the first tithe from Sending Flores went out. There was a young woman sitting and listening as we read from John. The Holy Spirit clearly spoke she was one to give to.  So after we read I followed her away from that spot and asked her if we could talk. I gave her an envelope that contained $100. We took $1100 total to Israel with us as our tithe to the Holy Land. She did not know what was in it but quickly asked why I was giving it to her. I explained, that the Lord pointed her out to me and I was being obedient to him. She explained that she was from Moscow, Russia, traveling alone. Her shoes were torn and her clothes were old, she was a beautiful girl with a shaved head on bottom and dirty blonde long hair on top pulled back into a ponytail. I’ll never forget the look of confusion on her face when she was approached and given a gift, a free gift.

According to the gospels Jesus’s ministry center around the Sea of Galilee. The Lord spent most of the three years of ministry along the shore of this freshwater lake here He gave more than half of this parables and here He performed most of his miracles.

I AM SUFFERING

Hey friends I know it has been a little while since I have written.  I have been having babies (not literally-friend’s babies) and have been sitting alone a lot.  My husband called today and asked what I was doing and I said just reading.  He said that must be nice.  Meaning I have the whole house to myself and its quiet (which he rarely gets) and I can do anything I want for the majority of every day.  It was in that moment I confessed to him, yes but I am getting lonely.  He quickly replied oh goodness I will be praying for that and was understanding of what all that meant.  

This comes after a different week than I have had in a long time.  I was able to spend some really good time with friends over the holiday weekend and it was so good for me.  I came home though Monday night and had a really ugly cry.  It has been building for months and months.  Nothing in particular caused it to explode, but it was much needed.  Out of nowhere for a good hours tears, snot, unrecognizable words, sadness, grief, anger, confusion, and heartbrokenness. Often, I mask how I am really doing for the I am fine and everything is great phrase.  It is true in its deepest meaning, but on the surface, I am struggling.  I still battle with my thoughts and believing and understanding of many things. Am I doing the right thing? Why has all this happened. What in the world is God doing? Does anyone see what is happening right in front of our eyes? 

So, coming from a really vulnerable place, I am so tender.  I know I hear God and He alone is my protector.  He gave me this word PROTECTED for the year and man has He been doing a great job, while I try and keep my hands empty.  I find myself picking up things and He reminds me again and again.  Exodus 14:13-14 says Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. ¹⁴ The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”  This is the verse I cling too when things seem impossible or difficult.

The Lord has asked me to move forward and he has closed doors this year that I really did not want closed and still lack understanding of why they were closed.  I have been sitting and listening and waiting to know my next steps and what the future will look like.  I have not received, "my orders" and here I am still sitting.  I want to be connected.  I want to be involved.  I want to lead.  I want to teach. I want to move forward NOW.  But it is not happening, at least not in the way I thought it would, should, or could.  Friends do not understand either.  Some have even been bold enough to say what they think and others just give me the confused look and I see the big question mark in their thoughts.  But that is okay because I do not answer to them, I answer to Him.  So, I sit and wait and do not know where or what tomorrow will look like.

So, I was on Facebook a bit a ago and this little thing popped up "A letter From God." and this is what mine said:

I was quickly reminded of my word PROTECTED and again I lay those things I was picking up down.  It honestly does feel like suffering and I had not clearly identified with that word until now.  I am suffering.  Then I grabbed a word I received a few years ago and again WOW GOD.  It says: (Literally word for word) 

Slow down. It doesn't all have to be done today. Give yourself the freedom to rest in His presence. He wants to renew your strength and refresh your spirit. 

Luke 12:29-32 ^“What I’m trying to do here is get you to relax, not be so preoccupied with getting so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep yourself in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Don’t be afraid of missing out. You’re my dearest friends! The Father wants to give you the very kingdom itself.

I am PROTECTED.

I am not alone.

The Kingdom is mine.

I will REST.

I will OBEY.

It's okay to miss out.

I am SUFFERING.

Romans 5:3-5 More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

1 Peter 5:10 And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.

James 1:2-4 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

Romans 8:18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.

John 16:33 I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”